8th January 2020
Facing fear and dealing with stress are the hardest things I deal with often, if I don’t keep check on stress levels it can easily and quickly lead me to depression. I lived in fear and was constantly stressed out, even though I hated those feelings and being in that place mentally and physically that became my way of life, for a long time it was my normal and as stupid as it sounds I’d lived like that for so long it became my comfort zone, a place that I subconsciously recognised as familiar because I handled it on a daily basis. There was a time not too long ago when I was so stressed out I didn’t know how my body was coping with it, how I hadn’t had a heart attack or stroke, that is literally how bad it was.
Fear is such an incredibly powerful emotion it would cripple me; I think even more so than depression. When I found out everything my ex-partner had done and the position I’d been left in, for a short while I just felt so utterly hopeless, after getting over feeling completely hopelessness the emotion that replaced that was fear. I was left in so much debt with almost zero money, people turning up at the door everyday looking for payments I didn’t have, farm machinery being repossessed but the biggest one for me was and still is the threat of losing the farm, our home, all of our animals, being made bankrupt and becoming homeless.
I knew I had to somehow get these all-consuming emotions out of my system, these feelings were blocking any hope of me moving forward, the stress was killing me and I’d hit a brick wall.
I’ve studied personal development for most of my adult life, I’m very spiritual which is what got me through depression, flashbacks, PTDS and anxiety attacks, I refused to visit my doctor for medication to numb the senses, something I’m strongly against. Working through all that 5 years ago meant I had to strengthen my mind, I was on a mission to heal myself and become a better version of me. Through that process I read countless books, listened to a podcast everyday that inspired me, look at the food I was eating and nutrition, I learned the importance of meditation and how to meditate, I strengthened my physical body, learned yoga, I did everything I could that resonated with me, that inspired me and made me feel better.
It wasn’t easy as I was also self-motivating, hiding my condition as much as I could from everyone except my ex, I was embarrassed, I didn’t want sympathy, I didn’t want my family to think I was weak – people like me don’t get depressed! Celebrating small wins everyday was an important part of healing, simply getting out of bed early was a win, eating the right food – win, tending my livestock – win. What were once normal everyday things become so difficult in that state of depression to feel good & celebrate everything I found hard pushed me forward.
It didn’t take long before I started to see and feel the results of some simple daily practices, my mental health improved dramatically, I was in good physical condition but most importantly I was happy and enjoyed life, I had become a new, better version of myself.
The whole process turned in to something pretty incredible! Through my study and research I had also accidently developed two new businesses that I absolutely love, created a simple five step morning routine to start my day in the right mindset and save me a huge amount of time and I’d figured out how to manifest pretty much anything I wanted.
When the shit hit the fan again depression was like a walk in the park compared to stress and fear, now I had to learn new skills to get me through and it was tough. Through doing my morning mindset routine I knew I’d become a better version of me, now I had to become the greatest version of me!
Stress management became so vitally important to staying on course and not quitting, the three most important things I do when I feel these overwhelming negative emotions
- 1. Focus on my “WHY”. There is always something so much bigger than you. My daughter is my absolute “WHY”, then my pets and livestock. Seeing them every day, knowing they need me to keep going is the most powerful driving force.
- 2. Gratitude. I write down 10 things every morning that I’m grateful for.
- 3. Surrender. Get out of my head and feel from my heart.
My greatest personal achievement this year so far is stopping fear and stress controlling me and continuing to push forward rebuilding my life.
My number one personal aim for 2020 is to continue to grow and build the greatest version of me.